All posts by angie2117

Blogger & Creative Writer

Are we so afraid of failure we end up failing ourselves?

As the saying goes, ‘no-one’s perfect.’ Then why does the idea of failing carry so much weight? Nobody wants to intentionally fail, nope, not even a kid that flunks a test. Not showing up for a presentation, that could be down to fear. It’s what we tell ourselves that determines our next steps and sometimes, the next few years of our lives. 

If you say: “I can do it” you will. If you say “I can’t do it” you won’t…

Fear of failure is why we think we’re not capable of doing something, but if we at least try then who have we failed?

For instance, if you’re not good at something it doesn’t mean you’ve failed at it – it just might not be your best attribute. Nevertheless, if you try again, you might get it right the second, third or even fourth time and if you look at things from a different angle, you’d realise it’s your resilience that makes you a success. You can’t be the best at everything, but your true calling can come out of the one thing you didn’t excel in.

Growing up, we form an idea of what success is and usually hear about successful people, but never hear about all what it took for them to get there. A lot of people failed first before they started seeing/reaping the benefits of success. I’m not a big fan of pressure, but it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to deal with it when it comes. I like to reflect on (whatever) situation I’m in, see how it’s working for me so I can ask myself, is this something I can dedicate myself to and what am I willing to compromise? What can I change and if nothing, is it productive? Sometimes, we try so hard to impress others that we forget ourselves in the process.

Meanwhile impressing others, doesn’t mean you’re giving rather you’ve got something to prove, to yourself? It can be a good thing and act as drive, whilst proving to someone else; you might be trying to win them over, right?

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The idea of the two seem reasonable still, it’s about priorities. If I’m going to have reason to do something, I’m doing it to reach my full potential. Lead me to at least. Otherwise, we’re left out here proving for all the wrong reasons. The thing about success is it’s usually measured by someone else, what someone has got, possessions, money even education. What is failure, even? It feels subjective for instance, not getting something right or doing it the right way. Besides an English or Math test, how do you do something right, that you have no experience in? or learn as you go along all while doing it the right way.

I don’t know the exact date but at some point, in the 2000’s era till now, gen x & millennial’s woke-up one day and suddenly knew it all. They weren’t called millennial’s then. Still, the older generation probably had the same (know it all outlook then) but they are older now, and you’ve got to find wisdom somewhere. A child will surprise you too. I almost cringed with this topic but had to look at why. 

The same people who’d swear ‘failure is not an option, fail, without realising it. What can you learn without experience? If we got it right all the time, then how can we say we’ve progressed. If something doesn’t work out the first time, it doesn’t mean you haven’t succeeded and if it doesn’t work out at all, it just wasn’t for you. 

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We all have different paths and timing is key, when it comes to embarking on something new. When’s the last time you heard someone say ‘failure yes, that’s an option?’ We all have a bar or ‘set’ our standards when it comes to success. You might be the person who finally reaches what you consider success, only to get there and say; oh, OK. Is that it? Imagine preparing yourself for this one main event in your life that comes but then a few months later, it’s not enough, you want more.

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 Success to me is being satisfied. Growth doesn’t have to stop there but that feeling of being content is what success means to me. Not compromising who I am, allows me to be content therefore, I am successful. I’ve made decisions that I knew were best for me at the time yet, had doubts that made me second-guess whether I was doing the right thing. It’s OK to change your mind. It can be hard to adjust to ‘one door closes’ if the other one doesn’t open quickly. I’ve learned to be okay with closing the door (and it might not make sense to others). With a little patience and just enough drive, your disappointment could lead to open doors and the start of many great things, in your life.     

Mental Health: Do we really Care?

The term ‘Mental Health’ has been around for years and those within the Health & Social Care industry will be all too familiar with this phrase. Whilst ‘Mental Health’ came with a slight taboo in the past, (it was rare people spoke about it let alone own it publicly) –in recent times, Mental Health has been brought to the forefront through Charitable/Mental Health Organisations. 

Celebrities have also raised awareness as with the media within popular culture. With celebrities advocating’ for solutions and those that have/may experience Mental Health illness – for more attention to be brought to; you’ve either heard of the term or familiar with it. I’ve always placed importance on Mental Health and try not to separate it from physical & emotional wellbeing. In the sense that, I understand the importance of my physical health as with Mental – Health. Having a healthy balance with Mind, Body & Soul. (This includes who we surround ourselves with or what we’re exposed to). 

While studying parts of Psychology plays a part in how I see things, I’ve always been in tune with myself emotionally and understand that before I can do or take care of anyone else, I must take care of myself. It’s something to consider with relationships and our expectations with what we expect from our partner. Are we placing too much burden on others, or expect them to fix our ‘broken-selves’ which no one, can fix? Understanding this, I think, is key to a lot of relationships and reasons why they breakdown. Either way, Mental Health, is something that we should all care about as we all have it.  

There’s been a huge number of celebrities that have come out to talk about their issues with Mental Health and how they’ve survived it. The list includes:

  • Cara Delevingne
  • Selena Gomez
  • Halle Berry
  • Demi Lovato
  • Big Sean
  • Jay Z
  • Michelle Williams 
  • Justin Bieber and the list goes on.

Likewise, it doesn’t matter who you are famous or not, anyone can be vulnerable when it comes to Mental Health. In the past week, the Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle revealed in a clip of an upcoming documentary, on ‘motherhood’ that ‘no-one has asked’ about her being “okay.” With the recent backlash from the media; criticism she faces and the royal couple speaking out against the leaking of her letter to her father, I’ll be surprised if she hasn’t experienced a mini-meltdown behind the scenes, or prone to one. Seeing some of the reaction yesterday to the trending #Weloveyoumeghan, I managed to see some of the twitter responses. The few that I saw, made me ponder whether collectively as a whole, people care about those who are experiencing difficulties. 

I’m sure many came to her support and it was nice to see someone come fully to her defence but fan or not, if people can see something going on why is their usually an attack first before help is offered. 

You don’t have to like or be a fan of someone, to show them support. Either someone you know has experienced hard times, or, maybe a friend of a friend has overcome something major in their lives. Everyone needs time to heal and without judgement. While we may have added our two cents about a situation we think someone could have handled better (whether you knew them personally or not); if we were in that situation the last thing we’d want or expect – is to be judged or overly criticized. Sometimes it’s over something we can’t change. This is why some people don’t like to talk about their feelings or find it difficult to open up.  No matter what, always remember to take care of yourself.

There’s always going to be people that form their own opinions, haters or those that think you should be living your life the same as theirs. For as long as your happy and not hurting anyone, keep your head up high and carry on with your life. 

We’re all a work in progress and no-one’s perfect, no matter how hard you strive to be the best. But how we deal with people we see going through something depends on our mind-set. Our values to an extent, and how we treat people close to us.

Now unless we’re ‘under attack’ by the ‘now opposition’ (we’ve all come across one in our lives), why do we ignore things when we see the signs? Yet, when it comes to relationships, we expect people to stop what they’re doing and attend to our needs. A lot of things have become the norm when it comes to our individual needs and what we expect from people, normally, as we interact with them. So why is it different with people we look at as ‘having everything.’ If I had “everything” my emotional need doesn’t stop at the door and I would expect my family at least to be there for me; something “money” can’t achieve on its own. 

Some people have money but aren’t happy, likewise people who are famous and depressed. It’s the same for those without. Then some people have little/a lot and ooze happiness, however, this doesn’t exempt them from one bad day or week. Maybe more people need to be educated on Mental Health and overall, emotional well-being. In schools, at work and within the media too. Starting at a young age might be the solution because at this rate, a lot of people who should be responsible and appear to support awareness ‘campaigns,’ tend to act indifferent when it has nothing to do with them. We all handle things differently and have an outlet, whether you’re more open with your feelings or not. All I’m saying is; if you’re going to promote well-being or get behind something, do it all the way. 

Be Happy and Stay Healthy!    

Thanks for reading.      

www.essence.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/black-celebs-help-erase-mental-health

www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/celebrity-news/celebrities-speak-out-about-mental-health

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